i hope this isnt permanent, but when i play music right now i'm barely concentrating and it's all mechanical. my mind drifts and i can't seem to jump in with both feet. when i sing, i no longer get that tingling up and down my spine in the most harmonious and meaningful parts. when i listen to music it's not the all-encompassing experience it used to be, but merely a slight relief because i know i don't have to talk to anyone for a bit.
i'm not sure which is better... being deep in thought or shutting it all off. not having much success with either. honestly though, i'm just getting what i deserve. nothing in, nothing out. i've been far too lazy in this life and where i am is exactly where i belong. far behind everyone.
uplifting sidenote... i'll probably get a few free tattoos soon, so i can have an even harder time getting a career. i'm pretty stupid.