eric kyle ellman (theylive) wrote,
eric kyle ellman

i am...

on tour and i can't shake this fucking mood. my travels are gonna end right as i lighten up enough to let some fun in. what a waste. if anybody is wondering why my face looks older now, it's because i've been worrying way more, sleeping way less, and losing all my confidence. when i get home i'm going to eat raw cucumbers, almonds, white rice and drink water. i'm going to jog, do sit-ups and do push ups. this combination may lead to being content with one small aspect of my life at least. i know it's superficial but i'll take small joys where i can get them these days.
i hope this isnt permanent, but when i play music right now i'm barely concentrating and it's all mechanical. my mind drifts and i can't seem to jump in with both feet. when i sing, i no longer get that tingling up and down my spine in the most harmonious and meaningful parts. when i listen to music it's not the all-encompassing experience it used to be, but merely a slight relief because i know i don't have to talk to anyone for a bit.
i'm not sure which is better... being deep in thought or shutting it all off. not having much success with either. honestly though, i'm just getting what i deserve. nothing in, nothing out. i've been far too lazy in this life and where i am is exactly where i belong. far behind everyone.
uplifting sidenote... i'll probably get a few free tattoos soon, so i can have an even harder time getting a career. i'm pretty stupid.
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