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Monday, August 25th, 2014
9:50 pm - mondays, am i right?
not much going on tonight. no band practices or plans or fancy foods to speak of. i'm just gonna watch some movies with the cat. good day all.

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Sunday, November 15th, 2009
8:11 pm - 5 week tour stats
lost:
keys, towel, hat, hoodie, confidence, energy, money, roommate, faith, sleep

broke:
snare drum, laptop screen, duffle bag, floor tom brackets, spirit

gained:
weight, paranoia, coffee addiction

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Tuesday, November 10th, 2009
1:02 pm - ...
i'm having daymares. i'm wide awake, but vividly horrible things keep happening that end up being not real. i get short of breath and continue my downward spiral into awkwardness. i don't know what is going on, but i feel very removed from reality. oh well.

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Thursday, November 5th, 2009
4:32 pm - i am...
on tour and i can't shake this fucking mood. my travels are gonna end right as i lighten up enough to let some fun in. what a waste. if anybody is wondering why my face looks older now, it's because i've been worrying way more, sleeping way less, and losing all my confidence. when i get home i'm going to eat raw cucumbers, almonds, white rice and drink water. i'm going to jog, do sit-ups and do push ups. this combination may lead to being content with one small aspect of my life at least. i know it's superficial but i'll take small joys where i can get them these days.
i hope this isnt permanent, but when i play music right now i'm barely concentrating and it's all mechanical. my mind drifts and i can't seem to jump in with both feet. when i sing, i no longer get that tingling up and down my spine in the most harmonious and meaningful parts. when i listen to music it's not the all-encompassing experience it used to be, but merely a slight relief because i know i don't have to talk to anyone for a bit.
i'm not sure which is better... being deep in thought or shutting it all off. not having much success with either. honestly though, i'm just getting what i deserve. nothing in, nothing out. i've been far too lazy in this life and where i am is exactly where i belong. far behind everyone.
uplifting sidenote... i'll probably get a few free tattoos soon, so i can have an even harder time getting a career. i'm pretty stupid.

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Tuesday, October 13th, 2009
8:27 pm - ...
sometimes i like to shut my brain off and listen to the dumbest rap music possible. the delivery and the beats do it for me, and somehow overshadow the ignorant lyrics. i dunno... i guess that's pretty stupid but i gotta be honest.

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Sunday, October 4th, 2009
12:51 am - to the one i adore...
happiest birthday wishes go out to you.
onward to another year.
you know what they say, the 23rd time is the charm ;)
xo

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Sunday, September 13th, 2009
11:35 pm
you really have the ability to knock me the fuck down. right in the dirt. use it wisely.

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Saturday, August 15th, 2009
2:26 am - no comment
a lifetime spent standing still
like dead flies gathered on a window sill
a sibling disgrace who believes to be
the broken limb in the family tree
past tense
too late to save, pulse stand still
a dry-lunged solo death rattle
regret in a tear filled trance
a never forgotten rememberance
past tense

current mood: blank

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Wednesday, August 5th, 2009
7:14 pm - 2009
the year of the peace sign

current mood: content

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Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
1:18 am - i know...
i'm up rather late, waiting for a phone call. there's a person i talk to every day, several times. i base my day around this, because it's what matters to me. even if there is not much new to say, i love to hear her voice and seemingly she loves to hear mine. today we talked three times, and i'm waiting for the fourth. i once wrote a lyric that stated "need and want are not interchangeable terms" ...i'm finding out now that in some cases they are. the things i want are the things i need, and the things i need are the things i want. those things are a person... one person, who i love very much. if i had to, i could throw everything else out the window in the blink of an eye. it may sound scary, but it's a really amazing place to be. if you're reading this... i want to thank you.

current mood: contemplative

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Wednesday, July 22nd, 2009
9:17 pm - on friday morning...
jamie and i are gonna pet some gators...
i hope she remembers some of the wrestling moves i taught her, just in case one of 'em gets ahold of me

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Monday, July 13th, 2009
2:41 am - nobody reads this anymore but...
someday this journal will serve as a footnote in some investigation as to why i'm dead

current mood: blank

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Wednesday, May 13th, 2009
10:36 pm - the storm
I feel the hate,
it keeps coming down,
coming down like the rain.
Look at me, I'm getting drenched.
We keep getting caught up in this raging wind.
Now look at us, we're blown away.
How high is that flag gonna fly when the storm comes raging through?
It surrounds all of us.
It's winds carry the truth.
The rain is like the tears that have fallen over years.
This storm is gonna wipe away,
wipe away the insincere.
No more white, no more black,
no more barriers, no more traps.
There will be quiet after the storm.

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Friday, April 24th, 2009
1:34 pm - school
i've been spending alot of time at a school i don't even go to. school has been on my mind alot. the future has been on my mind alot. i've been skating around going back to school for years now... it's time to take the plunge. hopefully in a few years i will be teaching your children about things from the comfort of my own classroom. i promise i will teach them all the good stuff and i will try to make a positive difference in their lives. in return i will be fulfilling my own dream. making at least a small change. taking baby steps towards solving this world's problems. it may seem dumb to you but it's pounding in my heart and i'm long overdue for this change.

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Sunday, January 11th, 2009
3:57 am - FRAUD - lyrics for a long forgotten halfway recorded long distance band.
IN THE DARK
locked inside this room
easy to ignore
darker and darker
thoughts i explore
this is not helping
it's making things worse
this is not healing
this fucking hurts
open this cage expecting rage
end of all life

WAKING
you hate me
i hate me
is that enough common ground
to spawn positivity?
a decent outlook?
i fucking try
but just waking up daily
puts tears in my eyes

SOLD
turn off television
seek out alternate media
stop shopping
create barter systems
they can't sell you war
if you're not at the fucking store

MACHINES
shit on at work
shit on at school
you'll make up your own life
where you make the rules
you'll do the shitting
strive to dominate
choose a blind partner
domesticate
you made a child
congratulations
used as a target
for pent up frustrations
a "parent" for status
you've become bored
raised by computers
all humans ignored
but you're "in control"
you call the shots
when they find the knife drawer
you will be stopped
we are breeding machines

NUMBER TWO
shrink the world
to the tip of a pen
only to blow it up again
big bang number two
can't come fast enough
goodbye
fuck everyone

TOMB
child reaches for sponge
father answers phone
controlled like dogs of pavlov
leaving child alone
98 ounce bucket
infant's soapy tomb
head immersed
shake the hand of doom

STOCK
shelf after shelf
stocking what sells
this is hell
i know it well
brick
gear
shit
full of fear...
all things i am

HAMMER
you stay quiet
afraid of judgement
bow to those who throw the hammer down
afraid of backlash
the time has come
to take them by the throat
never let them go

BEHIND OUR ANGER
behind our anger
there lies enough force
to stop this sick society
dead in it's crooked course
just you wait and fucking see

FUCKED
how can i say
i don't have time for this friendship
and not hurt anyone involved?
how can i say
that i'm bored to death
and have you feel like it's not your fault?
fucked.

ADDICT
i know that we all die
but while i'm on this earth
keep the smoke out of my face
or you will be hurt
his cold hand in november
is something i'll always remember
this is why i cannot forgive
your disgusting habit
i want to live
at least for a couple of years
without hoses, tanks, and tears
selfish
addict
piece of shit
addict

AMMUNITION
can you handle male and female
simply being friends?
you've never come to appreciate
a different perspective?
predator with no respect
your sexual hatred i reject
your only goal is fuck
your semen is ammunition

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Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
6:54 pm - recording...
the failures' union just got home from an excellent three week tour out through the midwest, and we are currently recording songs for our third album. we are also recording a track for an official Bruce Springsteen tribute cd and two tracks for a split 7" record with Cheap Girls (one of my current favorite bands!)

I love autumn...
the colors, the air, the crunching leaves, apple cider, pumpkins, haunted hay rides
it is my favorite time of the year for sure. i wish there was a place where it was like Autumn all the time. it seems like there are places where it is like summer all the time, winter all the time, spring all the time... but where the hell is my all-year-round autumnal escape? nowhere. it's b.s.

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6:17 pm - current listening...
here is some stuff i have been listening to lately. please comment back with pics of yours.







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5:32 pm - a time of sadness
a huge musical influence of mine, Mark Mulcahy, just had his wife pass away this weekend. they have two children together, and my heart goes out to the entire family during this difficult time and onward. Mark is a singer/songwriter who has been active since the late 80's as both a solo performer and as a member of the seminal indie pop bands Miracle Legion and Polaris (who performed nearly all the music for "the adventures of pete and pete"). his music has brought joy into so many hearts, that i felt compelled to write him a letter expressing my sympathy and giving the family my best wishes. through song, he has helped people deal with a lot of hardship in their lives, and i just wanted to give something back in this time where it is needed most. when you lose somebody in your life, every little bit of love helps.

here is Mark's myspace if anyone is inclined to send along wishes: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=43096511

current mood: melancholy

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Saturday, January 5th, 2008
2:43 pm - your name
1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and name of street lived on)
cookie franklin
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mother's side, your favorite candy)
thomas coffeecrisp
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)
Eel
4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color)
zebra blue
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
kyle kenmore
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name- last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name)
Elliczkur
7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
Elyk Zciweikdar
8. PORN STAR NAME: (middle name, street you grew up on)
Kyle Broad
9. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automobile you drive)
The Blue bus

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Saturday, November 17th, 2007
1:30 pm - ...and then there is this

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